'was early, early Christmas Day,
I'd stayed too long with Mertle Faye,
A shootin' pool and chuggin' beer.
So my old truck was in high gear,
Runnin' back roads through the dark night,
I had to reach home 'fore daylight,
Else bad trouble would be my fate,
With kids at home and wife irate.
Suddenly, in the road ahead,
I saw a light, twas flashing red.
I hit the brakes and skidded hard,
Missed a tree and landed in a yard.
Before me parked on the dirt road,
A beat-up sleigh, a heavy load,
Eight deer in a state of repose,
One more with a pulsin' red nose.
Out in the woods, down to the right,
Stood a fat man, a beard of white.
"Busy time, but just couldn't wait,
Ya'know, it's that damn' old prostate."
The old feller said with a grin,
As he finished and tucked it in.
"And I'm so glad you're not a cop,
'Cause I sure needed this pitstop."